Education academics release simple guide to KS3 Levels

Academics at the University of Carterton’s Centre for Learning have released a quick and easy guide to levelling KS3 students.

The guide comes in the wake of complaints by young teachers that allotting levels is an onerous task and part of the unnecessary paperwork that makes teaching these days such a pain in the arse.

The guide has been welcomed by teaching unions. ‘This is exactly the sort of thing teachers require,’ said Tom Rifkin, union rep at the Forward! Academy. ‘It will enable them to level students quickly and, more importantly, very accurately.’

The guide in full:

Level 3
Overweight working-class child

Level 4
Especially pleasant overweight working-class child
Child whose handwriting you can’t be bothered to decipher
Child with a specific learning difficulty you don’t understand

Level 5
Quiet, Muslim girl wearing hijab
Rude, badly behaved child by whom you are slightly intimidated but who seems to like you
Child whose name or face you don’t recognise
Girl with nice handwriting

Level 6
Boy with long, indie-style hair
Quiet, well-behaved Chinese child
Child whose parents gave you a hard time at last parents’ evening

Level 7
Middle-class child

Level 5