Posh people offered fast-track into teaching

The government has announced further plans to enable posh people to enter the teaching profession without undertaking specific training.

Education Minister Douglas Macintyre said that the move follows the success of the Teach First Program. ‘Obviously,’ he says ‘the primary objective of Teach First was to get posh people into inner-city schools so that some of their poshness might rub off on the poor communities. However, asking for a 2:1 or above is an unrealistic entry requirement for many of the poshest people. That’s why we've decided to offer the Poshtrack Program.’

To qualify for Poshtrack, applicants need only demonstrate hearty enthusiasm and good breeding.  Hetty Broadman, who is nine, is Assistant Head at the North Norwood Progress Academy (NNPA), an inner-city 11-18 comprehensive. ‘I’ve slashed the inclusion budget and redirected it for polo lessons,’ Hetty explains. ‘People think a nine-year-old can’t run a large educational establishment, but it’s easy peasy lemon squeezy. If you’re posh enough, you’re old enough.’

Posh people will have the right to fuck up their degrees and still become teachers.